Captain Bernie Sanders: CT Regional Report! 1.0

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Hi all! Back with another report, this time from the Newington, CT regional on 4/2. No, I didn't do particularly well, but I had to write a losing report to prove that I'm not a self-aggrandizing asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!

I experimented with a pretty weird deck this time around. That's right, no The Roseroad and no Sea Tower!

The backstory: I was playing against my girlfriend, per usual. She drew no economy for the entire game and stomped me anyway. Typical.

"I don't understand how you did that without drawing any economy," I said.

"F*&# economy. I pay the iron price," she replied (!!!). The foremost thinker in AGOT strikes again.

And so it was that I set out to make a deck that followed in her gigantic, badass footsteps. I would forego any reducers or gold producers and find out, scientifically, why we all know what we already know.

The theory was that I could gain what economy I needed through plots, protect my investments, and build a vertical rather than horizontal board. Greyjoy's ability to win challenges with few bodies on the board made them a natural fit. The lack of economy locations would make setups a bit harder, hence the high number of dupe-able characters, 1-cost attachments, and locations. Then, adding Tyrion's event/ambush funding and the Widow's Wail/Balon combo led me to Banner of the Lion. Plus, a bit of ambush given The First Snow of Winter's release couldn't hurt.

In limited testing, the deck actually did pretty okay sort of! It had a favorable matchup against the popular Lanni LotC, and handled First Snow like a champ. It was hard to pilot, as I needed to plan plots well in advance and it had limited ability to recover if a big character was lost early.

It was the perfect deck to bring to a Regional since I didn't want to deal with big-tournament pressure. Any victory would be hard-won, and then I could tell people that they lost to a deck without six of the cards it needs. Mwahahaha.

[Quick aside: sorry for the political deck name but it fits, okay? Plus, I have had a "Bernie for Senate" pin on my car visor for eight years and I'm madly in love with him and would, in fact, bear his children, especially if it meant Oval Office sexxxxxx.]

On the day of the tournament, I swapped a Syrio Forel, Aeron Damphair, and Put to the Sword for 3x Euron, per my buddy Mike's suggestion. He thought that if I could get some Kingsroad stealing going, it might make things smoother. Also, the beefcake renown body could be nice. So I gave it shot, but I'm still not sure about Euron.

Anywho! To the event. Tabletop Shop in Newington. From the pothole-ridden parking lot, you might not expect much. But inside there are marble tile bathrooms, water bubblers, big windows, and enough space that you don't have to inhale your neighbor's nervous, vaporized sweat too often. Dig it.

There were 55 big old nerds for this one! For contrast, last year the Standish, Maine regional got 8 people, including 5 from Boston. 2.0 is the bee's knees.

I made up random nicknames for my opponents in case I got their names wrong.

Round 1 - Bye

I got a great setup, including Lauren and Brit Fitch, Chris Lavin, DCDennis, and Devin and Tonya from NH. They proceeded to steamroll all of the boredom the bye could throw at me. Well done, crew. We felt so cool then, didn't we? What happened to us? Happiness is fleeting.

Aside: I’m trying to bulk up for a theater role where I would have to appear onstage in my underwear for the majority of the show, so I drank a really gross protein shake, slowly and painfully, over this 55 minutes.

Another aside: I taught my friend Jimmy how to play Thrones a couple weeks ago and he absolutely loved it. He bought in the week before the tournament and decided to make the three-hour drive down, despite having only played about four games previously. Guess what happens? He ends up on Dennis' featured table Round 1. I haven't watched the footage yet, but I'm sure it's hysterical. Poor guy! Go watch the game on the "A Meager Contribution" youtube channel. Be nice to Jimmy!

W, 1-0

Round 2 - Danny B. Boom Boom Tentacular, Greyjoy LotC

Danny boy had Balon rolling early, to my Asha and chuds. I made the conscious decision to slow him down early, knowing he could accumulate power quickly with the agenda and Balon. Still, I was a bit behind after the first turn. Turn two, he targeted Balon to die for military claim and played Risen from the Sea. I play The Hand's Judgment. He plays another Risen from the Sea. I play another The Hand's Judgment! Ouch! Lucky play for me. I feel like you can never target Balon to die in that situation unless he has a dupe. That evened the boards. Next turn, he plays First Snow, thinking he'll sit pretty with Euron and Theon to my Asha. I save my gold, ambush in The Hound to avoid a The Seastone Chair kill, and manage to get a The Seastone Chair kill of my own on his Euron. Next turn, I dropped Balon and cruised to victory from there.

W, 2-0

Pizza Break

Delicious.

Round 3 - Keith Squarejaw, Lannister/Kraken

Keith is one of the dudes from a certain “rude” NYC podcast crew. But he failed to live up to his namesake and was perfectly pleasant to play against! I had a six card setup with a sick Wendamyr Voltron (Widow's Wail and Little Bird). Turn one, I screwed up big time. I won initiative and should have gone first, but didn't. I realized he could treachery my Kingsroad, and got so concerned with this that I popped it before remembering to put a Iron Islands Fishmonger into play. So I had no chuds to eat claim after he put my Euron to the sword and canceled my Risen. I had an empty board after the first turn, and couldn't recover from there. I shouldn't have played Euron to begin with (Theon + chuds instead to balance his stealth). Just a terribly played first turn on my part, and my deck has little ability to come back from an early death, preferring to prevent them in the first place.

L, 2-1

Round 4 - Tony Montreal, Stark Fealty

This one was super tight! It came down to a few crucial plays. The boards were pretty even. His Arya/Ice, Catelyn/Lady, and Ned to my Asha, TheonVoltron, and Euron. I thought I could handle Ice and defend his military challenges (and did for two turns), but he dropped a Kennel Master turn three. Why I didn’t Confiscate Ice, the world may never know. Anyway, he declares a military with Arya/Ice. I can’t win if he jumps Cat in, so I let it go unopposed. He targets Euron to die for Ice, I play Risen. Then he says, oh wait, I can jump Catelyn in and prevent that. I say, “Yep” and kill Euron. Why I let him take this back, I cannot say! Especially after it revealed a card from my hand. I’m just that kind of guy, I guess, and it’s the play he should have made anyway. From there, I thought I could still win with my duped up Asha/Theon...but then he Milked them both and won narrowly. Without a couple of other minor misplays and I think I could have eked out a victory, but oh well!

L, 2-2

Interlude: I believe it was in between these rounds that Mike witnessed the majesty that is the Brotherhood Without Manners doing a hands-in, go-team-ra-ra cheer together outside. We resolved to come up with our own cheer because I’m pretty sure that’s why they did so well. Tech.

Round 5 - Transplant George the Magnificent, Lannister LotC

I was paired up to play George, who was 3-1. I think I played pretty well in this one, if I do say so myself. Balon was doing work, I managed to Seastone his Tywin, his First Snow turn was a win for me. I really feel like Greyjoy has great answers to Lanni LotC, mostly because of strength in power challenges. I could defend power and win power each turn. Ultimately, I was able to Sneak Attack to victory even as his board started to fill up.

I would like to mention one crappy thing that happened: George played Hear Me Roar and dropped in the Hound. I then canceled the Hear Me Roar. I should have played the cancel before he dropped the Hound in. It wasn’t quite fair to George, even if I knew he had the Hound in hand. I am making a mental note to always ask if the event resolves before showing what I’m dropping in. Pretty sure it didn’t make any difference in the game. Just a little procedural note to be aware of. Sorry, George. You’re a really nice guy and I enjoyed our game! I don’t know why you would leave Beantown for NYC but whatever! ;)

W, 3-2

Round 6 - Woostah Josh, Baratheon/Sun

Absolutely nothing went my way in this one, and Josh played perfectly. I have no characters in hand after setup, so I Summon Balon turn one, and he gets pulled with Seen in Flames. This is a flaw in the deck for sure. Often, I can’t play characters the turn I Summon them. I think Summons might even have to be cut if I continue to play the deck. Asha and Theon were knelt the entire game. The Hound helped get around kneel for a turn, but he had his poor burned head put on a spike. I was doing everything I could to slow Josh down, but Gendry/Iron Throne/Chamber of the Painted Table put me on too short of a clock. Josh was another super kind opponent who I’m glad to have met, and we talked about game nights in the northern MA/southern NH area.

L, 3-3

So not bad! There was only one game (the last) where I felt I had no shot of winning. I had a good SoS, so I finished like 22/55? I had a grand old time seeing so many people play this game we love. In other good news, Mike went 3-3, his best performance in a tournament yet! Jimmy was the happiest person ever to go 0-6, playing more games in one day than in his entire previous AGOT experience. He’s a really smart guy, watch out for him!

The deck was interesting. I felt like I had a very narrow margin for error. I had little trouble getting bodies out, but I often wanted one more gold. Some of that might be fixed with plot selection. On the other hand, not drawing dead Roseroads round 5 was nice! Overall, conventional is absolutely much much better, but this little experiment jogged some deckbuilding habits and was a fun challenge to undertake. I’d be happy to talk about it in further detail with anybody who is interested.

We drove back to NH that night and I loaded in lights for “Nunsense: The Musical” at 6am the next morning.

PROPS:

-Bernie Sanders

-All of the fantabulous fifty-five who made it to Newington

-All of my opponents for being chill and rad and hawt

-Mike for his best showing yet

-Jimmy for being the most adorable little nooblet ever <3

-Dennis and the AMC channel for making breakfast that much more entertaining

SLOPS:

-The freaking Roseroad! Who needs them?! Not me!

-Me for not playing Roseroads

-Euron for dying all of the time

-Me for letting Euron die all of the time

-Me for play mistakes

-Me for writing stupid things

-Sexism in tabletop gaming, seriously :(