MURDOCK LOVES TENTACLE PORN 1.0

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Hello Thonerbros/bras. I bring you another mostly sequential recounting of a day wherein I attended a Game of Thrones Living Card Game Regional Tournament! This one was in nearby Nashua, New Hampshire.

I’ll try use statistics to explain some things. I know some of you nerds like numbers.

Alright, so in the weeks leading up to the tournament I tested a lot of mediocre but hilarious ideas. These included:

-Robert Voltron, with 3x Warhammer and Street of Steel, Jaime Lannister, Syrio Forel, etc. It loaded up Robert with tons of attachments and tried to go first. Turns out Ghaston Grey sucks.

-Stark Horde Sacrifice with ~42 characters. Needs moar draw. First Snow exists. Sucked.

-Martell/Bara Hand destruction with a potential plotline of First Snow > Naval > Wraiths in Their Midst. Stupid (though occasionally hysterical).

-Fishwhiskers Voltron FU WINTERFELL, with Drowned God’s Blessing x3 et al. This eventually turned into the much more tame deck that I took to the event.

-I also tooled around with Greyjoy/Dragon and Night’s Watch/ Sun. Got bored.

Magnificent NHers Jimmy, Devin, Tonya, and Scho all indulged my capricious deckbuilding. Thank you all for your patience.

Anyway, a few days before the tournament I decided to play Greyjoy because I’m probably a hipster and Tyene can go screw.

I tweaked it over a few days and dropped all of the fun tech (Aeron/Priest of the Drowned God/Drowned God's Blessing) that was actually just bad tech. Ended up with a list that is pretty similar to the one that did well in Madrid. Mine had more Fishbishkersh and different plots (which I was really happy with), but I totally ripped the idea for 3x Seastone and 2x Put from that list. What a jerk I am.

I cut 2x Little Bird for the Puts because I was expecting Martell and I’d get hit with Tears/Tyene no matter what. I had a great matchup with Stark, which I expected a lot of. There was indeed a ton of Stark and Martell...

At 12:30 the night before the tournament, I built a Lanni Dragon deck because I thought I might want to play a good deck. But no. I’ve played two games with that deck and it felt so powerful it made me sad. I just wanted to not sow things.

Quick aside: the Greyjoy house words are an excellent euphemism for prophylactic use. And, if spoken at an inopportune moment, may function as a kind of sexual fiat.

I titled the deck to remind Murdock, our T.O., of his favorite type of film.

Round 1 - Lauren “The Fitch That Wins” (Mahtell/Woof)

When announcing pairings, Murdock dubbed this “The Sexy Table,” so both of us were already winning. Admittedly, we were looking pretty good. My Totoro socks were on fleek.

I mulliganed into a sweet setup of Balon and an Iron Fleet Scout. I was thinking that Balon is really great if you boost his strength so that it’s higher than some other characters. Unfortunately, Lauren was playing this plot called “Marched to the Wall.” She played perfectly, as she does, and there was never any hope of a comeback. I never declared a challenge in this game, and I don’t think I ever had more than two characters on the table. I simply defended every challenge I could, trying to delay and draw into a Tyene answer. Curiously, I had three Asha Greyjoy pulled for intrigue claim. (The odds of having the same card pulled for intrigue three times? In the neighborhood of .007%) My turns, in sequence, went Balon hit by Tyene, Balon hit by Tyene, Balon killed by Tyene, Euron Put to the Sword, Theon Warded (NEDLY). I had a lot of fun watching the destruction and chatting with Lauren and Jimmy.

Loss (0-1)

Round 2 - Bye the Indomitable (Neutral No Agenda)

I won the moment the round timer started. Then I chastised the rest of the players for taking so long, and Chris Lavin applauded me for vanquishing Bye faster than he had the previous round.

Over the next 55 minutes, I had a tete-a-tete with Murdock about how amazing Space Jam is. If anybody ever meets me at a tournament, I will happily perform scenes from Space Jam for them. I do a pretty good Daffy, Larry Bird, and a girl-who-blocks-Charles Barkley.

Crushing Victory (1-1)

Round 3 - Winston Ghostbane (NW/Kraken)

I mulliganed into a sweet setup of Asha and a Kingsroad. I was thinking that having a great character, economy, and an initiative boost on setup would get me off to a roaring start. Unfortunately, Winston was playing this plot called “Marched to the Wall.” If you’re following along at home, I had drawn four setup hands without being able to set up two characters. The chances of this happening are roughly .25%, which, I admit, is comparatively high for a deck. Doesn’t make it any easier.

Anyway, I resolved to win this game despite the bad start. I had Balon, Risen and the Chair in hand, so I thought I could get off a big kill and claw back into things. Winston was playing a variant of that crazy Night’s Watch/Kraken discard recursion build that was tearing it up a month or two back, so I knew I had to do everything I could to keep characters on the board. First turn went well, with Balon killing Asha and preventing the board wipe on the counterattack with Risen. Okay, here we go. Plot two, I went with a Snowed Under for initiative and Fishbishkish. Winston played another one of those weird “Marched to the Wall" plots. ARE YOU &#ING KIDDING ME?! WHAT IS THIS PLOT?

Ahem. I nevertheless resolved to slow the game down and do my best. It is very easy to give up in a game like this, and if you do, you’ll lose for certain. Besides, if I could come back, what a story that would be, right? Winston was creeping up in power, recurring Theon or Asha every turn with Aeron. I think I chaired Asha three times and Theon twice. Euron helped me stabilize, pulling Kingsroads and a Raiding Longship that I had We Do Not Sow’d. I grinded, hard. Going into the 7th plot (and at time), we were tied at 11 power. I flipped Confiscation to his Calling the Banners, with him obviously going first. He had a Raiding Longships online, along with some stealth from Wildling Scouts. I had to oppose two challenges (including his Theon challenge) to keep him from hitting 15, but I wouldn’t be able to with the Longship...unless….On claim from his military challenge, I played Risen on my Theon, giving him an attachment and making him immune to the Longships. Winston finished his challenges on 13 power to my 10. I hit back with two unopposed + Euron renown + power challenge (4 power), then won dom to clinch it. Not how I drew it up, but I’ll take it. Cool story, amirite?

Win, 2-1

BREAK TIME. Went to Dunks with Stephen, Sean, and Roy Rogers who is a champion for driving so far from NYC. Stephen bought Murdock a chocolate donut which was really cute!

Round 4, Mark A. the Benevolent Brit (Bara Fealty)

Ugh, my worst matchup. At least Mark has a hawt Welsh accent.

I had a relatively normal setup! What is this madness? Unfortunately, I ran into a turn 1 duped Stannis with Lightbringer. Mark had plenty of kneel for any character that could get unopposed through, and he won handily in a few plots with 6 power on Stannis. On the one turn where Fshwushkush wasn’t knelt, Mark played Calm to turn him off. Pro! I wish there was more to say, but this was just a blowout.

We spent a lot of time chatting about New Hampshire and gaming and all kinds of groovy things. Mark has also agreed to give me his Gencon melee event ticket since he had a conflicting event, so that’s wicked cool! <3 <3 <3 <3

L, 2-2

Round 5, Mark L. the Jolly Provender (Bara Fealty)

Great! Another Bara Fealty! In case you’re wondering, if there is a house that you don’t want to play against, there is a ~10.5% chance that you’ll face that house twice in five rounds (assuming equal house representation).

I had okay board position, but my entire board was knelt for the first two turns. Mark rocketed all the way up to 12 power after three rounds, doing work with Bob, Hot Hammer, and The Map Room. But, I managed to win an unopposed intrigue challenge turn three (pulling In the Name of Your King!) and discarding the Red Keep. This kept his hand in check. Round four, I Confiscated Lightbringer off of Robert to set up a chair kill with Balon/Great Kraken. If I could get the ~6 power off of Robert and Gendry, I could claw back into it. But, he played another In the Name of Your King. Luckily, I was going first, so I could keep him from hitting 15 that turn (no mil counter from him). He finished on 14 power. Round five, I finally got an unopposed mil through, killing Bob with the Chair and Gendry with Put. Next turn, he was out of steam, and I raced up to 15. The Red Keep is such an important part of this matchup.

W, 3-2

So I finished like 12th-ish and got some sweet Stark tokens. Considering my deck, my setups, and my matchups, I’ll take it.

I had an overwhelming amount of fun. Like it almost hurt. Like I really love the New England AGOT community.

I drove back to the NH Seacoast to perform in a sketch comedy show where I play a conjoined twin, a cowboy, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, a ballerina, and the father of a box of Cracker Jacks.

THOUGHTS:

-There was a ton of Stark and Martell! Jeremiah had an amazing meta call and brought Targ Fealty, finished top 4 and top of Swiss. Nice job!

-Greyjoy would love 1st ed. Wendamyr right now.

-It drives me crazy that Drowned God’s Blessing doesn’t protect from Tears. I’d feel a lot better about it if I heard a designer say that it’s intended to work that way. 2nd ed. has largely avoided these unintuitive rulings so far. I hope there aren’t many more of them.

-I think the Rock/Paper/Scissors factor in AGOT is noticeable right now, but complaints that skill doesn’t matter are unfounded. I do hope that the Summer/Winter meta doesn’t make things more matchup-dependant.

PROPS

-Relentless Dragon for hosting a great event and contributing a bunch of door prizes. Cool stuff!

-Murdock for running things super smoothly. He also conducted private, random deck checks and, I’m told, didn’t publicize it when there were minor violations. He simply handled it and moved on.

-my buddy Scho, who just bought into the game and went 1-4. Stick with it!

-Jimmy, for somehow going 0-5 and winning the Edmure/Sportsmanship prize: A DVD of Space Jam. I own a VHS of Space Jam, along with 2 DVDs and a Blu-Ray, so I wasn’t too jealous. But I did consider stealing it.

-Space Jam

-That crazy light-up ATM in Dunkin Donuts

-The New England meta, for the unspoken agreement to not play Lannister at this tournament

-Lauren, Winston, Mark, and Mark for being the raddest opponents.

-Devin, Tonya, Brit, Chris, Sean, Stephen, Morgan, Jeremiah, Brian, Roy, Scantrell, and anybody else I got to chat with during the day. You are all bubbles of wonder.

SLOPS

-Me for running a deck with about double the normal chance of a one-character setup

-Me for beating up on Bye so remorselessly

-Me for probably getting a bunch of details wrong

-Me for writing this dumb, long report for nobody in particular